Change

As I sit here in my living room I look around and think about how things are changing. My apartment is currently decorated with Christmas stuff. I have pictures of Valerie and I posted all over my walls. My Christmas tree is under two feet tall with purple and silver decorations. My roommates and I have stockings that we made ourselves. We have lights that brighten up the room and make it more homey. The smell of cinnamon lingers from the candle. Remnants of my birthday decorations are still visible. But just next week all of my stuff will be packed into boxes as we wait to hear which new apartment we'll move into with our teammates. Everything is about to change. In just two days we'll be hearing the place we'll be going to in June. We'll hear who we'll be going with. We all have an idea as rumors fly around the group, but things could easily change. Rumor has it that I'm going to South Africa with my best friend here and some other cool people. If that is true, I'll be stoked.

Everything is happening so fast. I still remember so vividly the week before I came to AIM. I was terrified. The tears I cried in that one week were more than i'd cried all year long. I knew it was going to be great, but I also knew it would be difficult. I'm not one who embraces change without a little bit of hesitance. I know change is good and I like it once it's happened, but going through the changing process is never easy for me. I have to keep looking forward, knowing that the outcome will be rewarding.

Right now, honestly, I'm scared to go out of the country. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited, but...I feel unprepared; I feel like a catapillar just waiting for her wings. Here in Lubbock, living with all of my classmates just doors away, and our teachers always around in school, and the encouragement never far off, it's like a bubble. We call it, "The AIM bubble." I enjoy it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without it. I feed off of the energy of big groups...but soon we'll all be split up. I'll be leaving some of the coolest people I've met and I'm not going with some people that I'm close to. I have to say goodbye.

This whole experience is full of goodbyes. Btw, if you don't know me well, I hate goodbyes; always have. When I came to AIM I had to tell all of my friends, family, and church family goodbye. My head hurt from crying so much and my heart ached. I wanted to take everyone with me. This Christmas I'm going to have to say goodbye to my old roommates knowing that when I come back I'll have different roommates. Living conditions will be changing, hopefully for the better. :) When I come back from Christmas break, I'll have to say goodbye to everyone yet again until my next return which won't be til May. When I go home in May, I'm going to have to tell all of the classmates that I've grown to respect and love goodbye as we go our separate ways. When I leave for South Africa, I'm going to have to tell my friends and family with tears welling up in my eyes goodbye again, but not just any goodbye. A goodbye that will have to last for a year and a half as I go far away from home. When I'm in South Africa, I'll fall in love with all of the people there and before I know it I'll be telling all of them goodbye with tears running down my cheeks because I'll have grown to love them too.

Life is full of hello's and goodbye's. We're changing just like the seasons. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" Ecc. 3:1. There will be times of tears and there will be times of joy. Winter will come, that's a fact, with the chill of the cold wind and grey in the sky. But Spring is always just around the corner with laughter and warmth.
With as much as life changes, don't take any part of it for granted. Glorify God with your whole body and let's thank him for what we now have.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your taith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.