The road curves around and down into a small valley. The road, stretching from the scene of the peaceful, blue ocean, leads deep into the heart of the city. The once hopefull feeling quickly disolves at the sound of horns hocking obnoxiously around me while my eyes meet those of the pedestrians walking everywhere. I may never meet them, but from my window, with only a piece of glass seperating us, I can see that their hearts have worn thin with time and life. Everyday like the weary day before. The routine of finding a way to survive. Some have a family waiting at home, others only have to worry about feeding their own stomachs. Their eyes are dark and colorless, revealing the doubt that fills their minds. The city, full of hopeless eyes, seems so big. What can I do? There are so many that don't understand Your love, Lord, and so many that choose not to listen. Show me that You are bigger than the devistation my eyes are witnessing. Take my fear and turn it into courage.
Layers of trash cover the grassy hills on both sides of the road that my car follows. The people are only a few feet away, yet we're worlds apart. At a stop, I could give my left over food from my recent lunch to a begging boy, but what about the others around him? For a moment I may feel like I made a difference, but I can't help but feel like my efforts are futile. In this moment the phrase, "One at a time", echoes through my doubt. "Don't give up and don't let callousness be an option."
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Contrasting Elements
As I’m writing this, I am sitting on a black, fleece blanket spread out on top of a dark green, grassy mound that rises just above the sand where many giant rocks stand their ground against the high tide. I am casually and comfortably dressed in grey sweat pants, pink high knee socks, and a royal blue, long sleeved shirt that swallows me. As my hair is blowing loosely in the strong breeze, I feel small and insignificant beside this vast sea.
Tonight, the ocean seems angry. Its dark, misty grey color and its roaring, foamy, white waves portray its emotion. The speed of the waves is incredible. Yet, while the ocean in all its majesty is raging, the sky whispers peace. The setting sun is casting colors of light pink, orange, and purple all melting into the soft blue sky. I’ve never witnessed such a drastic difference in creation. At first glance the cold harsh sea sends a chill, but when you look up, the sky’s colors warm you to your soul. It reminds me of God’s character. He is all things. He’s loving, gentle, kind, forgiving, and overwhelming. Yet, at times he is jealous, sad, angry, and/ or mysterious. Jesus was humble, yet God is powerful. He’s so big but at the same time detailed.
My words could never do justice the beauty in the sight that my eyes are gazing over. I can’t breathe this in enough. This moment will have to fight to remain in my imperfect memory. In my attempt to grasp this small fragment in time, I inhale the smell of the sea. I can almost taste the salt in the misty air. When I close my eyes I can hear the passion.
Someday, I am going to miss this. I’m going to wish for the chance to slip my bare feet into a foamy ocean, unnoticed. I am going to close my eyes and try to remember the salty scent that hovers over so many miles of blue.
Tonight, the ocean seems angry. Its dark, misty grey color and its roaring, foamy, white waves portray its emotion. The speed of the waves is incredible. Yet, while the ocean in all its majesty is raging, the sky whispers peace. The setting sun is casting colors of light pink, orange, and purple all melting into the soft blue sky. I’ve never witnessed such a drastic difference in creation. At first glance the cold harsh sea sends a chill, but when you look up, the sky’s colors warm you to your soul. It reminds me of God’s character. He is all things. He’s loving, gentle, kind, forgiving, and overwhelming. Yet, at times he is jealous, sad, angry, and/ or mysterious. Jesus was humble, yet God is powerful. He’s so big but at the same time detailed.
My words could never do justice the beauty in the sight that my eyes are gazing over. I can’t breathe this in enough. This moment will have to fight to remain in my imperfect memory. In my attempt to grasp this small fragment in time, I inhale the smell of the sea. I can almost taste the salt in the misty air. When I close my eyes I can hear the passion.
Someday, I am going to miss this. I’m going to wish for the chance to slip my bare feet into a foamy ocean, unnoticed. I am going to close my eyes and try to remember the salty scent that hovers over so many miles of blue.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Change
As I sit here in my living room I look around and think about how things are changing. My apartment is currently decorated with Christmas stuff. I have pictures of Valerie and I posted all over my walls. My Christmas tree is under two feet tall with purple and silver decorations. My roommates and I have stockings that we made ourselves. We have lights that brighten up the room and make it more homey. The smell of cinnamon lingers from the candle. Remnants of my birthday decorations are still visible. But just next week all of my stuff will be packed into boxes as we wait to hear which new apartment we'll move into with our teammates. Everything is about to change. In just two days we'll be hearing the place we'll be going to in June. We'll hear who we'll be going with. We all have an idea as rumors fly around the group, but things could easily change. Rumor has it that I'm going to South Africa with my best friend here and some other cool people. If that is true, I'll be stoked.
Everything is happening so fast. I still remember so vividly the week before I came to AIM. I was terrified. The tears I cried in that one week were more than i'd cried all year long. I knew it was going to be great, but I also knew it would be difficult. I'm not one who embraces change without a little bit of hesitance. I know change is good and I like it once it's happened, but going through the changing process is never easy for me. I have to keep looking forward, knowing that the outcome will be rewarding.
Right now, honestly, I'm scared to go out of the country. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited, but...I feel unprepared; I feel like a catapillar just waiting for her wings. Here in Lubbock, living with all of my classmates just doors away, and our teachers always around in school, and the encouragement never far off, it's like a bubble. We call it, "The AIM bubble." I enjoy it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without it. I feed off of the energy of big groups...but soon we'll all be split up. I'll be leaving some of the coolest people I've met and I'm not going with some people that I'm close to. I have to say goodbye.
This whole experience is full of goodbyes. Btw, if you don't know me well, I hate goodbyes; always have. When I came to AIM I had to tell all of my friends, family, and church family goodbye. My head hurt from crying so much and my heart ached. I wanted to take everyone with me. This Christmas I'm going to have to say goodbye to my old roommates knowing that when I come back I'll have different roommates. Living conditions will be changing, hopefully for the better. :) When I come back from Christmas break, I'll have to say goodbye to everyone yet again until my next return which won't be til May. When I go home in May, I'm going to have to tell all of the classmates that I've grown to respect and love goodbye as we go our separate ways. When I leave for South Africa, I'm going to have to tell my friends and family with tears welling up in my eyes goodbye again, but not just any goodbye. A goodbye that will have to last for a year and a half as I go far away from home. When I'm in South Africa, I'll fall in love with all of the people there and before I know it I'll be telling all of them goodbye with tears running down my cheeks because I'll have grown to love them too.
Life is full of hello's and goodbye's. We're changing just like the seasons. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" Ecc. 3:1. There will be times of tears and there will be times of joy. Winter will come, that's a fact, with the chill of the cold wind and grey in the sky. But Spring is always just around the corner with laughter and warmth.
With as much as life changes, don't take any part of it for granted. Glorify God with your whole body and let's thank him for what we now have.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your taith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Everything is happening so fast. I still remember so vividly the week before I came to AIM. I was terrified. The tears I cried in that one week were more than i'd cried all year long. I knew it was going to be great, but I also knew it would be difficult. I'm not one who embraces change without a little bit of hesitance. I know change is good and I like it once it's happened, but going through the changing process is never easy for me. I have to keep looking forward, knowing that the outcome will be rewarding.
Right now, honestly, I'm scared to go out of the country. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited, but...I feel unprepared; I feel like a catapillar just waiting for her wings. Here in Lubbock, living with all of my classmates just doors away, and our teachers always around in school, and the encouragement never far off, it's like a bubble. We call it, "The AIM bubble." I enjoy it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without it. I feed off of the energy of big groups...but soon we'll all be split up. I'll be leaving some of the coolest people I've met and I'm not going with some people that I'm close to. I have to say goodbye.
This whole experience is full of goodbyes. Btw, if you don't know me well, I hate goodbyes; always have. When I came to AIM I had to tell all of my friends, family, and church family goodbye. My head hurt from crying so much and my heart ached. I wanted to take everyone with me. This Christmas I'm going to have to say goodbye to my old roommates knowing that when I come back I'll have different roommates. Living conditions will be changing, hopefully for the better. :) When I come back from Christmas break, I'll have to say goodbye to everyone yet again until my next return which won't be til May. When I go home in May, I'm going to have to tell all of the classmates that I've grown to respect and love goodbye as we go our separate ways. When I leave for South Africa, I'm going to have to tell my friends and family with tears welling up in my eyes goodbye again, but not just any goodbye. A goodbye that will have to last for a year and a half as I go far away from home. When I'm in South Africa, I'll fall in love with all of the people there and before I know it I'll be telling all of them goodbye with tears running down my cheeks because I'll have grown to love them too.
Life is full of hello's and goodbye's. We're changing just like the seasons. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" Ecc. 3:1. There will be times of tears and there will be times of joy. Winter will come, that's a fact, with the chill of the cold wind and grey in the sky. But Spring is always just around the corner with laughter and warmth.
With as much as life changes, don't take any part of it for granted. Glorify God with your whole body and let's thank him for what we now have.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your taith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Middle school retreat and the Tongue
My area church group just got back from a middle school retreat and it was awesome. It was very tiring, but we had a blast. The theme was myspace and getting connected with God. Us AIMers did a few skits, which were also fun. We played some two below football and I loved that part!
One of the activities on Saturday was so messy. We built an obstacle course with a sack race, a black tunnel with eggs, flower, rammen noodles, and oats, then a tarp that they army crawled on under some ropes; this tarp had mustard, ketchup, chocolate syrup, beans, and pumpkin filling all over it (It smelt awful!). The next thing was another tarp covered with flour, oats, and coco cereal that they had to barrel role over. The next "phase" was a slip n' slide with oil on it. To say the least, the kids were filthy dirty by the end of the race. The girls won! Yes, girl power! After it was over the kids started chasing us, so a few of us younger "adults" ran to a vehicle to get away, but we couldn't get it started fast enough, so we bailed and took off running up the hill. We felt like we were in a movie with little zombies chasing us up the hill. haha! It was great. Most of us that ran didn't get caught, thank goodness. Though it was messy and it smelt terrible, the kids loved it! Success!
By the first night the girls were hugging us AIMer girls. It was awesome! They were so open.
Lesson learned: Middle schoolers aren't as bad as they're made out to be. :)
Since today I've decided to seriously work on controling my tongue and building others up instead of cutting them down( Eph. 4:29). At times I joke sarcastically, and it's not the best. So, Please pray that I can tame my tongue as best I can. Thanks!
And thanks to all of you who support me emotionally and financially! You are awesome and I'm so blessed by you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)
One of the activities on Saturday was so messy. We built an obstacle course with a sack race, a black tunnel with eggs, flower, rammen noodles, and oats, then a tarp that they army crawled on under some ropes; this tarp had mustard, ketchup, chocolate syrup, beans, and pumpkin filling all over it (It smelt awful!). The next thing was another tarp covered with flour, oats, and coco cereal that they had to barrel role over. The next "phase" was a slip n' slide with oil on it. To say the least, the kids were filthy dirty by the end of the race. The girls won! Yes, girl power! After it was over the kids started chasing us, so a few of us younger "adults" ran to a vehicle to get away, but we couldn't get it started fast enough, so we bailed and took off running up the hill. We felt like we were in a movie with little zombies chasing us up the hill. haha! It was great. Most of us that ran didn't get caught, thank goodness. Though it was messy and it smelt terrible, the kids loved it! Success!
By the first night the girls were hugging us AIMer girls. It was awesome! They were so open.
Lesson learned: Middle schoolers aren't as bad as they're made out to be. :)
Since today I've decided to seriously work on controling my tongue and building others up instead of cutting them down( Eph. 4:29). At times I joke sarcastically, and it's not the best. So, Please pray that I can tame my tongue as best I can. Thanks!
And thanks to all of you who support me emotionally and financially! You are awesome and I'm so blessed by you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)
Saturday, September 13, 2008
song of the heart
Currently my heart's song. Thank you, God, for all you do.
Lyrics to Only Love Remains: JJ Heller
"Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart
Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains
You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light
Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains"
Lyrics to Only Love Remains: JJ Heller
"Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart
Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains
You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light
Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains"
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Challenges of the Heart
This week has passed by so fast! I've been so focussed on studying for tests that the days just flew! I'm not sure how I did on the tests this past week, but when I do I'll let ya know.
On Monday we had a really hard test (Ed Wharton) and I studied a lot for it and I was freaking out. At times during the test I would either stop breathing or breath very hard. I didn't know what to do with myself. lol. And the closer the time came for the test to be over, the more i couldn't think because of the pressure to finish quickly. It drove me crazy. When i finished I handed the test in, and as my grasp loosened and let the teacher take it, my body immediately felt limp and for some reason I felt like balling. It was the weirdest experience! I didn't cry, thank goodness, but I did seek out my friend that I pray with before each Ed Wharton test, and I just fell into her arms. It was quite humurous how worked up I got. I was so tense I could feel my ears burning and my face a shade of red.
Please pray for hurt in the group. Satan is really attacking us. One of the guy AIMers was throwing up on Tuesday, and so some girls took him to the ER and he had to have his appendix removed, but he's still in the hospital and he's not feeling much better yet. Our director broke his heel last week in a dirt bike accident and he had surgery today. There are at least four AIMers that are currently dealing with the affect of cancer in their families.
Tonight a few of us had a prayer setion for the ones dealing with cancer in their families. It was so awesome and very emotional. I was blown away by their humbleness and strength at the same time. They were strong enough to admit that they can't do this alone and humble enough to let God handle it. I was thinking about if it were my mom that had cancer...would I be as strong? Could I be that trusting in God? I hope so. I know that through all of this we will only grow stronger together, but that's not what Satan is aiming for, so please pray for our group that we can only build up from here. Thank you.
My Luke class has been challanging me to be honest with myself about my faults and pride and how I need to just let God have it all. Please pray that I can put past all of my bitterness and just give it to Him. It really affects me and I'm tired of it . I want to be like Christ...I want to be a peacemaker and shine love, not bitterness.
I'm becoming more comfortable in this group, and I'm being more myself. It's been hard considering I've always had my amazing twin around, so I've never really had to find my own identity. But while I'm searching for my identity that I want in Christ, I've realized that I don't need to be different from everyone, which is hard because that's what my generation is all about. Being different in tasts of music, politics, ect. But Paul says in 1 Cor. 9:22, "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some." I need to strive to find similarities and love them for our differences. It's not easy and it's going to require sacrifices on my part, like possibly giving up my preference in a type of music or fashion, but that's what God has called me to do.
Lubbock is so flat (I'm not complaining, just stating a fact) so the rain water floods very fast. Since the roads are currently flooded, we have no school tomorrow! Yay! More time for homework and possibly sleeping in later. Thank you, Lord. :)
I'll be sending out newsletters soon! If i forget to send you one, will you please let me know (if you even want one) and I will be sure to not forget you again! :) And when you do inform me, please give me your email and address. Thanks!
Tomorrow a lot of us are wearing pink in honor of the ones that have cancer. One of my friend's mom is having surgery in the morning, so please pray for her and if you would like to join with us, wear pink! Thanks! Love you all! God bless!
On Monday we had a really hard test (Ed Wharton) and I studied a lot for it and I was freaking out. At times during the test I would either stop breathing or breath very hard. I didn't know what to do with myself. lol. And the closer the time came for the test to be over, the more i couldn't think because of the pressure to finish quickly. It drove me crazy. When i finished I handed the test in, and as my grasp loosened and let the teacher take it, my body immediately felt limp and for some reason I felt like balling. It was the weirdest experience! I didn't cry, thank goodness, but I did seek out my friend that I pray with before each Ed Wharton test, and I just fell into her arms. It was quite humurous how worked up I got. I was so tense I could feel my ears burning and my face a shade of red.
Please pray for hurt in the group. Satan is really attacking us. One of the guy AIMers was throwing up on Tuesday, and so some girls took him to the ER and he had to have his appendix removed, but he's still in the hospital and he's not feeling much better yet. Our director broke his heel last week in a dirt bike accident and he had surgery today. There are at least four AIMers that are currently dealing with the affect of cancer in their families.
Tonight a few of us had a prayer setion for the ones dealing with cancer in their families. It was so awesome and very emotional. I was blown away by their humbleness and strength at the same time. They were strong enough to admit that they can't do this alone and humble enough to let God handle it. I was thinking about if it were my mom that had cancer...would I be as strong? Could I be that trusting in God? I hope so. I know that through all of this we will only grow stronger together, but that's not what Satan is aiming for, so please pray for our group that we can only build up from here. Thank you.
My Luke class has been challanging me to be honest with myself about my faults and pride and how I need to just let God have it all. Please pray that I can put past all of my bitterness and just give it to Him. It really affects me and I'm tired of it . I want to be like Christ...I want to be a peacemaker and shine love, not bitterness.
I'm becoming more comfortable in this group, and I'm being more myself. It's been hard considering I've always had my amazing twin around, so I've never really had to find my own identity. But while I'm searching for my identity that I want in Christ, I've realized that I don't need to be different from everyone, which is hard because that's what my generation is all about. Being different in tasts of music, politics, ect. But Paul says in 1 Cor. 9:22, "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some." I need to strive to find similarities and love them for our differences. It's not easy and it's going to require sacrifices on my part, like possibly giving up my preference in a type of music or fashion, but that's what God has called me to do.
Lubbock is so flat (I'm not complaining, just stating a fact) so the rain water floods very fast. Since the roads are currently flooded, we have no school tomorrow! Yay! More time for homework and possibly sleeping in later. Thank you, Lord. :)
I'll be sending out newsletters soon! If i forget to send you one, will you please let me know (if you even want one) and I will be sure to not forget you again! :) And when you do inform me, please give me your email and address. Thanks!
Tomorrow a lot of us are wearing pink in honor of the ones that have cancer. One of my friend's mom is having surgery in the morning, so please pray for her and if you would like to join with us, wear pink! Thanks! Love you all! God bless!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Camp Blue Haven and more
Hey guys!! I just got back from camp Blue Haven with Sunset's highschoolers. I helped out with crafts and whatever else they needed. We did tie die. Steve Furr would've loved it! ;)
There were 60 kids there, and about 50 adults and out of those adults six AIMers and 3 AIM assistants. It was pretty fun. :) A couple of my AIM friendships grew stronger so that was awesome. I am so tuckered out now, though, and our whole group of AIMers is leaving for our retreat in the morning. I have a ton of homework that is due on Monday and plenty to do this week. Please pray that I can get it all done without too much stressing out. :)
Last week a guy in my AIM class was baptized. He is a new Christian and he's loving all that we're learning. The baptism was so amazing and emotional! It was right in the middle of our last class for that day and the teacher had no problem postponing class for his baptism. Then when we got back in class we just sang for about 20 more minutes. It was so amazing! All of our spirits were lifted and i know Jesus was there. It was so obvious.
The other day we had an assignment that required just sitting and having quiet time with God for an hour. I was so excited about the assignment; It didn't seem like an assignment at all! I went to a cemetary close to where i live and it was so beautiful. The weather was perfect; just a slight breeze blowing through the leaves on the tree i sat under, and the sun shining brightly, but not too bright. The flowers all around were beautiful as well. I started out simply journaling, then prayer journaling, then i prayed aloud and sang. When the hour was over i felt so relieved and less stressed about homework and missing people back home. The experience was so amazing! You should try it sometime. Just give God some of your time and somehow you'll realize He's got it under control.
There's a bug going around the group here. It's basically a sore throat, runny nose, and headache. Some have had it worse than others, but there have been plenty that have missed class. Please keep us in your prayers: that the bug dies out before too long. I haven't gotten it yet, thankfully, but there's still that chance.
I've grown to depend quite heavily on God and coffee. lol. I don't get much sleep around here.
Thanks for all the prayer and support, and thank you to those who left comments on the other blog! That was more encouraging than i thought it would be. Thanks for caring and checking out what's going on in my life right now. Please continue to pray that i grow more in God and that i stay strong. I love you all and I miss you terribly! God bless!
-Vanessa-
There were 60 kids there, and about 50 adults and out of those adults six AIMers and 3 AIM assistants. It was pretty fun. :) A couple of my AIM friendships grew stronger so that was awesome. I am so tuckered out now, though, and our whole group of AIMers is leaving for our retreat in the morning. I have a ton of homework that is due on Monday and plenty to do this week. Please pray that I can get it all done without too much stressing out. :)
Last week a guy in my AIM class was baptized. He is a new Christian and he's loving all that we're learning. The baptism was so amazing and emotional! It was right in the middle of our last class for that day and the teacher had no problem postponing class for his baptism. Then when we got back in class we just sang for about 20 more minutes. It was so amazing! All of our spirits were lifted and i know Jesus was there. It was so obvious.
The other day we had an assignment that required just sitting and having quiet time with God for an hour. I was so excited about the assignment; It didn't seem like an assignment at all! I went to a cemetary close to where i live and it was so beautiful. The weather was perfect; just a slight breeze blowing through the leaves on the tree i sat under, and the sun shining brightly, but not too bright. The flowers all around were beautiful as well. I started out simply journaling, then prayer journaling, then i prayed aloud and sang. When the hour was over i felt so relieved and less stressed about homework and missing people back home. The experience was so amazing! You should try it sometime. Just give God some of your time and somehow you'll realize He's got it under control.
There's a bug going around the group here. It's basically a sore throat, runny nose, and headache. Some have had it worse than others, but there have been plenty that have missed class. Please keep us in your prayers: that the bug dies out before too long. I haven't gotten it yet, thankfully, but there's still that chance.
I've grown to depend quite heavily on God and coffee. lol. I don't get much sleep around here.
Thanks for all the prayer and support, and thank you to those who left comments on the other blog! That was more encouraging than i thought it would be. Thanks for caring and checking out what's going on in my life right now. Please continue to pray that i grow more in God and that i stay strong. I love you all and I miss you terribly! God bless!
-Vanessa-
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